Recently, Iam sitting by the Ocean, toes in the sand, listening to the surf, afaceless woman is next to me, we're talking about our children, who areplaying in the surf, and the smell of coconut tanning oil rounds out thescene." I like that; I guess it better than a beer cave," Dylan yawned, "sorryabout that." Bethany yawned, "now you got me doing it. I say we wrapthings up here, I don't have anything else, how about you?" "Nothingfrom me, who's visiting who tomorrow," Dylan yawned again, "sorry notsure what going on here." "I'll come here," a yawning Bethany "and bringthe rest of the clothes, okay?" Dylan nodded yes as another yawnprevented him from speaking, getting off Bethany and helping her up fromthe chair.They hugged, kissed, both wanted to say more but were afraid to put intowords, it was obvious to both, the best they could was rub nose andstare into the others eyes. They parted, there was the pop and she wasgone. Dylan made a promise to himself to never let that happen, as. .. I liked it, I wanted it... keep going." No honey, no. I'm not yet sure what I am, but I know I'm not that. You're bleeding." That's okay, you didn't mean it, you could learn to control it a bit." No honey, I was honestly in rage, I wasn't in control. Those guys the other night, they were in control, they knew exactly what they wanted." She nodded, sniffing, and we went to bed cuddling. Julie did make an effort and reached down to stroke me. We eventually made love like we always had, long slow and soft. It was... okay, but clearly left us both a bit unsatisfied.Friday night Julie came up to me as we made dinner. "I want to go again tonight." No... please. I couldn't do that again." I'm sorry John. I need it, need it like a drug. I know you're not there yet, but I am. I love you like I've loved no one in my life, and I want you now and always in my life, but it's not enough. I need to be able to let go like I was able to those two nights. Let someone else tell me what to do, how to.
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